Another in a series of Uncle Tom's Funny Stories.

Today, I was about as bored as a two-by-four, so I decided to go for a ride. One problem: I live on Long Island, and the thing about living on an island is that once you've been everywhere on that island, the only places left to go are off of it.

But where to go?

Until today, I had never gone anywhere north of New York. My initial thought was to go to Boston, but the trip would have taken too long. So I thought "What about Connecticut?" Then it became a matter of where in Connecticut to go.

Hey, you know, the WWE Headquarters are in Stamford. I'll go there and get a picture of the WWE logo on the top of the building.

So I drive off. It's a two hour trip one way, and after a couple of pants-shittingly close calls, I made it in one piece.

So I drove past it and immediately got lost trying to turn around. Then once I got back to it, I pulled into a narrow street alongside it and pointed the camera lens of my iPhone at the logo.

By this point, it was dark, and the logo was lit up. In my iPhone screen, it looked like a huge white blotch. So I wiped off the lens with my shirt and tried again. It was a little clearer, so I pushed the button... and was immediately surprised when the light for the flash came on.

A million thoughts rushed through my head: What if security sees the flash? What if they want to know what I'm doing? What if, after I explained it to them, they wanted to know why I'm taking a crappy photo of the WWE building?

I pulled the phone down, ruining the shot, and drove away. Here's the result:

The two white streaks on the left of the photograph are what I caught of the WWE logo.

So I get about twenty miles outside of Stamford, and it hits me: the reason the shot was fuzzy wasn't because the lens was smudged, it was because I hadn't focused the camera on the logo.

DUMBASS.